Bad News

The news is rather disturbing. A forty-four year old woman gave birth to a baby in Cambridge, Massachusetts and left it in a Porta Potty. What saved the baby from drowning was all the graw-doo in the crapper. Come on people…dropping a child into a Wizard of Ooze is just nasty. What is wrong with you? If you don’t want your child, then give it to someone who does and flush yourself. 

The other story that ruined my day concerned a two-year old girl who was strangled by the family pet…an 8.5 foot long albino Burmese python. Supposedly the snake broke free from its glass terrarium in the living room (classy décor!) and headed for the toddler’s room. The owner found the snake wrapped around the child, stabbed it and called 911. In the meantime, the snake slithered off to grow a new skin. I guess they have found the damn thing and are questioning what to do with it. I’ve got a pretty good suggestion but no one is asking me.

Okay, here's what I don't understand. Why do we have Burmese pythons in America? I mean, people buy these exotic pets when they are small and somewhat containable and when they hit their stride, say ten or twelve feet of fun, they can’t control the beast so they release them into the wild. I read another frightening fact…Supposedly a bevy of pythons escaped in 1992 when a few pet stores in Florida were hit by Hurricane Andrew. Since that time they have been reproducing in staggering numbers. It’s documented that one of them gave a gator a great big hug and then exploded while trying to eat it. I’m not going to lie. Florida is definitely off of my travel plans…and I don’t care how cheap the real estate, I wouldn’t plop down earnest money even if I had it. I swear I’m going to have nightmares.